That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
