I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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