i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
