Me. At least after what I've been through.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
