I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
