So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
