i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Randomize
