why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
