It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
