OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
