OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
