I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
