Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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