don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
