I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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