I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
