WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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