I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
