you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They have beer where we have blood.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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