Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My penis needs a shock collar
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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