the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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