I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
