There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
