My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
