question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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