The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
