Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
