uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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