If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
