And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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