I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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