my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
