dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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