Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
