So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize