No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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