like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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