I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
