what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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