I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
