I hate your face
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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