How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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