so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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