Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
