and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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