East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
