see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
