i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
