ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
