I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The adults are the big ones right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
