Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
