CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
