she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
