if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You're like the curious george of whores
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
