when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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