So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
