do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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