haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
