There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
