people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
