You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
