Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
