I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We need a shit load of segways right now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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