I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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