the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
