I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got inside last night via doggy door
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
