i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
