oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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