Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
time to smoke my breakfast
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
