Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
