whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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