I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
