Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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